Hey everyone - I’ve felt a decent amount of loneliness, and (as far as I can tell) I’m a pretty normal human being :-)

Feeling loneliness is something I’ve experienced for a lot of my life. Most people wouldn’t be aware of this though (up until now, of course). This is largely because of the stigma attached - I’ve felt embarrassed to talk about it much, and worried that I’d be a burden to others if I did tell them. So I kept it to myself.  

I’ve discovered in recent years, however, how unhelpful it was to keep these feelings to myself. Not only did I not get the support I needed, but keeping the loneliness a secret also made it harder to find connection (with others, and also with myself) - and yet connection was the very thing that I needed. It instead became a secret shame I disliked about myself and held little self-compassion towards. I also felt like I couldn’t expose this ‘real’ me to others, which made it harder to more meaningfully connect with them. It wasn’t a great combination, and only made me feel more loneliness rather than less.

But then it turns out I’m not alone, in feeling lonely… yes, it’s a bit meta.

As a society, so many of us haven’t felt the safety to talk openly about loneliness - mostly because of this dreaded stigma. Yet according to research (see here and here), it’s likely that most of us have or will experience loneliness at one point or another.

And not only does the stigma affect the person experiencing loneliness, but lack of talking prevents our progress as a society in finding ways to support it too. Knowledge about anything becomes limited in its capacity to grow if we can’t share our stories, and gain that collective experience of how and what it looks like. It’s harder to develop that sense of universal relatedness in our experience of it, and the trust that we’re all just doing our best. Conversely, a limited understanding of anything tends to lend itself to misunderstanding, and a susceptibility to stereotypes.

So feeling loneliness ends up with not only the complexity of navigating the feeling itself (which isn’t easy as it is), but also the hurdles of doubt and hesitation added by the stigma. The person feeling loneliness may then further prolong seeking the connection they need; and those who can provide that connection may second-guess their responses. The significance of this is that the connection needed to alleviate feelings of loneliness becomes even harder to reach, and its effects can start to negatively impact our physical and mental health.

So let’s start talking more about loneliness. We don’t have to shout it from the rooftops - but the more we can normalise it, the less power the stigma will have.

There are some really wonderful and important organisations and people bringing attention to loneliness and its stigma - you may have noticed them popping up in the media. Friends for Good, Ending Loneliness Together, and the Friendship Alliance are just to name a few. There’s even a Parliamentary Friends of Ending Loneliness Group, which is non-partisan and dedicated to finding a society-wide solution to this issue. So it’s an issue being taken seriously, and lots is happening!

A big part of Emerald Again’s mission is to add to these voices for change in how we see and talk about loneliness. By creating more understanding about the feeling of loneliness, I’d love to help reduce the stigma and the power it’s had over many of us, and its associated negative impacts. I’m keen to share my own personal stories in future posts, and with this, hopefully encourage more conversation and understanding around this very complex and challenging, yet also very normal human feeling.

One particular way I’d also like to contribute is in encouraging and sharing ideas in how we can collectively respond to loneliness - and this is with a key focus on the power of loveliness.

The power of loveliness, and how it can help stamp out this stigma.

I think a focus on loveliness is so important, because loneliness has a significant level of discomfort around it. Loveliness is a way to proactively bring extra reassurance to the feeling - hopefully creating a greater sense of safety for those experiencing it to reach for support, and greater confidence for those responding to it.

Loveliness has been so important to me for getting through some of my times of loneliness, and I hope for others to experience this too.

Let’s show the stigma - through loveliness - that us humans are stronger and kinder than it.

So what can loveliness look like, you ask (at a high level - I’ll be sharing more specific ideas soon too):

💚 Whenever we see or hear about loneliness in others - or feel it in ourselves - let’s approach it and be curious, rather than try to avoid it.

💚 Let’s do lovely things for ourselves and others, particularly if you think loneliness is being experienced.

💚 Let’s have self-compassion, let’s be inclusive, and let’s help ourselves and others be connected. 

We can do it.